it's never your fault, we're the ones with the issues

sometimes, i have no idea what i'm feeling. i feel all tangled up inside, and i feel like my brain's gonna explode with all these random paranoid thoughts running through my mind. so many questions, but i can't find any answers. and it's not just merely theological stuff, like "is there God?" even simple stuff can cause me to stumble and doubt myself.

not only myself, i doubt people's words, and cause myself a lot of misery.

i get suspicious, and then my brain starts whirring, and i'll worry myself to death over this or that little detail. then i'll get quiet and emo for awhile in a corner. and then i'll be fine again, before something reminds me, and the cycle repeats. i contemplate situations, and then i jump to conclusions, and write my own endings, before tearing out pages, and then scrawling more implausible and weird ends.

i feel so weary and sick of always trying, because i know it'll end up in vain and fruitless anyway, so why am i hurting myself?

i am so retarded for missing you, but it's just the way the story goes.

and sometimes, i wonder how i can call you my friend. i know you're doing a lot of things behind my back. so kindly stop it now, and get back on track with your life, thank you. i know you would love to watch me self-destruct, but i'm better than that.

-

anyway, i love my group-work gang, and i don't ever want to changes places, i don't want to sit anywhere else. i love social studies/elect hist, and i am super duper excited about the project. we have 3 jingles up (proudly written by qian, grace, xinyi and i - who contributed very little) and the poster's done! very fast right. we shall rehearse, and chekseen's gonna make a speech! :D i hope.

after school i got a bit sad and emo. :( and then deb + khai + yiling + cheryl came to visit.

highlight of the day: running around school, with cheerleaders' hairstyle (swept to the side, very high + bouncy ponytail) with deborah and khairiah, squealing like mice.

deb: hi, i'm BIM!
jo: hi, and i'm BO!
deb + jo: and togetherrrr, we're BIM-BO!

wtf, hahahah, *missed hi 5*

and then screaming out "HEY HEY YOU YOU" randomly. the song is like a ear worm, it's ringing in my head. thanks to the bougae cheerleaders. anyway, i only know the "hey hey you you, i don't like your girlfriend" line. the rest of the song is retarded, and i hate it. especially the part which goes 'i'm a motherfucking princess', which is fucking spastic and juvenile. :/

and then cheryl laughed at a tissue box for being cuboid, and she has S-L-O-W reaction time. seriously slow, and i love the bouncing effect. her tummy's so hard, when khairiah's wallet hits cheryl, it rebounds and goes BOING!

and then cherie, rachel, gurvin, yiling and i took a cab out to pp, due to the rain and rachel being paranoid about her heavy bag + books getting wet. yiling went home, the rest of us went to hoGc. i love love love hoGc.

i actually studied there today, and i think hueysi is very nice. :) orange orange, and her lovely red shirt which moves and i love her shoes. we ate at kopitiam, and i think the katsudon is not very nice. the thought of it makes me want to puke.

after that, studied a bit in hoGc. rachel tutored me a bit, thanks hunnn, i lurb euuuu! and then cherie left to eat sushi with her mommy. i studied till about 8 in hoGc, before rachel and i decided to leave the violin-cello guy, i forgot his name. he's pro lah, but he refuses to play us songs. :(

and then, we walked around dhoby Xchange before boarding the train at around 8.30+ and leaving for home.

rachel has invited me to her home to watch her play the violin. sexyyyy~

tomorrow is teh homeclub gig. where's mervyn! i need to confirm with him the tickets!

-

i would rather keep my mouth shut then lose you.

every single day, i'm dying a little more inside.

it wouldn't hurt as much, if i loved you a little less.