just because you're hurt doesn't mean you should bleed

i feel like drinking 41892610 shots of whiskey and gin, and then swallowing some 56172 pills of panadol. maybe i'll just pass out on the carpet floor, but please forgive me if i puke. don't mind me, i'll choke on my own vomit.

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loolz i've been meaning to blog, but i can't seem to be in the right mood. i try to find a time when i'm happier, but it doesn't seem to work. :/

thursday - ponned tuition and went to catch spiderman 3 (a second time) with alethia, deb and khairiah. alethia = super funny, especially the thing about the (ear)ring. and i can't believe i lost my shoe. we sat around in the cinema and laughed until we cried.

friday - last day of school. was emo-ing a bit with khairiah, went to the swings, drank double chocolate frappe, and talked in AMK library. i fell asleep in an awkward position (fatigue from dragonforce, i swear, i am not getting enough sleep. ever since DF) and then lingyu came, and we went to eat murtabak at jalan kayu. khairiah = pro, i finally see her eating more than me.

saturday - flag day with 3N. we went to many places, dhoby ghaut, cityhall, peninsula, cityhall, esplanade. i walked until i wanted to collapse. after that, i went to change in kovan (don't drink caramel milk tea: yucks) and then i rushed down to cityhall (AGAIN) to meet mervyn for deafcon III.

mervyn has nice friends, pooja, lynn?, arshanti (sp?), ida, etc. i can't remember names well, but they're all nice people. i was a bit tired from flagday and all. bad obsession was the best. bedroom utensils and firebrands are good too. can't wait for deafcon IV. the moshing was a bit weird. the music isn't exactly moshable, and i got hit on my nose. someone's heel scratched my leg, cos there's this weird patch there, where the skin came off. loolz, yucks. and someone threw away my roses :/

sunday = whacked. i went eating thai steamboat with pop and ma and the sisters. ate until i felt my stomach expanding (literally). damn gross, i hated myself then. i think i re-gain the weight i lost. and then we walked around some, and i ate more. like cinnamon croissant which was awesome. my sister's worse, she ate auntie anne. i staved off auntie anne! but i still consumed some 76218318391 calories.

grrr. that pisses me off. no more dinner for jolyn. i hate food. :/ i look fat, like super pregnant. gross can. i have flabby arms, and i am so ugly. ha ha ha.

i hate myself.

and i feel really terrible for missing service today. i'm sorry cherie. :( next week! i will attend and please tell me all about follow up and pledging.

i wish i could draw crosses on my arm.

i'm listening to all the songs that i associate with you, and they make me so sad to see you change and go away. why did it have to be like that?

and i only have three words to say right now: i miss you

I miss you so much, a self-inflicted coma
The days drag on I never thought of running with their feet
And when i feel the stress, I'm lonely and depressed

You don't have to speak because I can hear your heartbeat
Fluttering like butterflies searching for a drink
You don't have to cover up how you feel when you're in love
I'll always know I'm not enough to even make you think

if only, they were all alone.

i'm going downhill, i don't think i can take this anymore. i'm tired of acting happy.

are you listening?