make the sadness go away, come back another day

i feel like shit most of the time, and i am super tired from running emotional races with myself. i beat myself up when things go wrong, and they seem to be going wrong 24/7.

i'm tired, really. emotionally spent, and physically worn out. i am doing weird shit, and i'm scaring myself with stupid thoughts. how disturbing. i feel like a stupid slug, and i wish i didn't have to cry. i want time to stand still, and not make me race to catch up.

i'm losing grip of everything in my life.

-

i miss dragonforce. i think DF was the climax of 2007 (and it's only another solid 7 months before the year ends, i hope i dont get bored). 2007 has been a year of both lousy and good moments so far. i don't know, i might end up dead before 2007's over. how pessimistic. i seriously hope the good moments will outweigh the bad ones. and we all know, good things don't last.

i feel like there's no permanent fixature in my life, i'm just running askew, with no foothold, my feet sliding out from under me. and no one to catch my fall.

-

anyway, khairiah has been really sweet. thanks khairiah, you know we love you right. thanks for talking to me when i felt so low and giving me advice, on how naans are important to be happy. and you know, cheer up because i lurb euuu. and so do cheryl, lingyu and deborah.

and thank you for the nutella cupcakes. you should open a bakery someday. i'll eat breakfast there everyday, and my appetite alone can fuel your entire income.

and to cheryl, who's flying away in exactly 3 hours time. we'll miss you lah. have fun in japan, and remember us. and thank you for offering to find hide's cd for me. (i hope you packed enough underwear.) and this 11 days will suck without you. we miss you already!

had dinner with lynette and cherie just now at pastamania with the meagre 10 bucks i had. the creamy carbonara made me want to puke, but lynette and cherie are very nice and fun to have dinner with. cherie says she believes someday i'll rise up, and be a leader in church. well, i hope so too. but i doubt my capabilities are that great, i am so screwed up. and she made me realise, i have to be on fire and passionate if i want to get on the worship team. it's time i really, really practised on the guitar.

and i'm going to be acting as a flower in the red riding hood skit. lol. anyone interested in going for the costume party/ red rain concert? (free)

tag alright! you're welcome. anytime, anytime.

-

When memories start to dissolve and you don't know what's real and what was a photograph or some story someone told you, people are the only thing left to prove the past ever happened.

Sometimes, the past is the only thing that brings you back to yourself when you're lost.

You don't need to like the person, just don't lose them.-
I pressed the pin against my skin. Cutting myself would change everything. The skin that held the dreams in would break open. Blood would come in a trickle but something else would flood the room from wall to wall. Dream sludge. Truth and Lies. Nothing that could be made sense of.
- girl walking backwards, bett williams

i feel like an even bigger shit now, and i don't know how to go about feeling happy. i just want to curl up in a ball and cry my heart out. i can't, because the tears aren't coming. they're staying within me, trying to choke me up and trip me so i'll always have this reminder of you everywhere i go.

i'm tired, and i want to close my eyes forever sometimes.

i am so dramatic.

i wish i have blue-black curls cascading down the small of my back, pale white skin, strawberry gashes. i don't feel tough and strong. i feel like i'm weak, and i feel like i'm gonna crumble any minute. sometimes, i wish people would just acknowledge how weak i really am. when they assume you're strong, they hurt you constantly.

RIP, wayne thunder. you'll always be in our hearts. thanks for being an inspiration to us all.