The injustice of it all...

This morning's assembly was seemingly mundane, except when the vice principal called for a "brief meeting". We brushed it off, until teachers emerged from the conference room, some sobbing, some with downcast eyes and heavy hearts.

The mood changed immediately, students started gossiping, wondering what the shedding of tears is all about. A death? Someone quitting the teaching force? All those possibilities. We were told to wait to find out, and the suspense almost killed us all. More second guessing, more "what are the odds" questions, and a lot of ifs.

The death of an acquaintance shook us all. I cannot cry for her, because I don't know her...the saddest thing is I guess I never will now. I cannot empathise with the family, because I've never been through what they are going through, and I sincerely hope I never will.

I feel only sadness for them...I try to imagine the emotions and thoughts that run through their heads, and I still cannot register the fact that she's gone. I know of her existence, but I feel so guilty that it took me her death to find out what she looked like (in the year book).

I just cannot manifest the fact that people I am acquainted to can pass away. I never thought it could hit so close to home, you know? It makes me wonder what I would do if I knew someone who passed away, just like that. Life is so fragile.

The school told us to "write notes for the family and the deceased", which was absurd. I don't see how notes from random school girls can cheer them up when they've lost a wife/daughter/mother. It's not as easy as writing a "Get well soon" note. I cannot tell someone who has passed away to "get well soon" or, tell the family to "get well soon". How insensitive. Some of us folded paper cranes instead...

It makes you wonder where the hell God is, if He exists.

It took me a funeral to make me feel alive.
And I feel so guilty for this.

(Religious matters should not be discussed here.)
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Past week = Crash with Iylia and Mervyn, Woodlands Regional Library with the people, Nose piercing with Karina, Sushi Don with people, Tribute to Twins with Pre and her friend Pam, Ziyang's house and Iylia's adorable hairstyles. Fucking cool.

This week = studying time, I hope. I am way behind in Maths, I haven't been paying attention in both Maths & AMaths since...January. I need time to catch up. Farewell today. Met up with Bianca, Chi Sheng (???) and Evigan at White Sands today. Evigan left after passing Bianca her stuffzzxz, we played on the beach. Then go home study.
"I hate how you curl up into a ball at night, listening to your favourite X Japan songs, and then crying yourself to sleep. You wake up to soaked bedsheets, and that same song playing in your ears.". I don't know why I feel sad, really. I wish I were a robot. Cold, metal, and emotionless. "Stop making excuses, you're pathetic." Don't get your hopes high, you were and always will be, a loser.
I want tongue piercing w0rhz, and nape piercing + hip piercing.

Suddenly a tattoo is very damn appealing right now. :/



I wish I had icicles in my veins.
Some ice to numb the pain.

It sucks to feel alone, disappointed, sad, hurt and angry all at the same time.