I'm not crying, I'm just dying a little more inside

I probably will fail my examinations, considering how I gave up on studying. The information just cannot be drilled into my brain. Ah, well, diagnostic tests aren't so bad after all...are they?

I received a comment that made me want to laugh. I'm supposed to be a nervous wreck about my end of years, but honestly, I can't give a shit. I'll just do whatever I can with my 11th hour preparations. Anyway, I spend my time thinking about other things and getting all fucked up over them. (I wish my brain would stop sometimes.)

anyway u dont seem stress for each paper you know!i still rmbed maths paper
u shouted to everyone " ITS OKAY TO FAIL THIS TEST, THERES A RETEST IF U FAIL
IT" wth!

- Xinyi

Lol, I am a failure. Last paper tomorrow, and then an outing with the classmates? Maybe I'll sit in Subway with Cheryl while she does her observation drawings and god knows what else. There's a drinking session to look forward to on Saturday, and also, next week, I have happy hour, gin cocktails. Yay. I can't believe I postponed an afternoon of gin cocktails.

I've been eating a lot of Subway sandwiches. I have been eating lunch and dinner there very often. I'm broke, and fat. Today 'mugging session' has been unproductive. For me, that is, because I keep listening to songs and spacing out, talking to Khairiah and Lingyu. But I roughly know about Fuhrer Hitler, thanks to some contextual knowledge I've gain from...god knows where. I can hold a decent conversation about the atrocities of concentration camps, and Nazi Laws (No bicycles for Jews - LOLOLOL, this makes me laugh). Hope I can crap up some shit tomorrow for History (eh, Shitory. K wateva)

Oh, I think being with fwenz sometimes make me feel damn glad. I'm glad I got you guys (you know who you are, the people in school + people outside whom I spend Sundays mugging with), and even though I'd like to do individual shoutouts like my friend CCCCCCCC, I don't think I should. There're just too many people I'm really grateful for.
I cannot explain how I'm feeling. I wish I were stronger, just like how you think I am. Truth is, I'm falling apart. I used to think no matter what, I'll be able to bounce back and smile like before. Now, I just can't breathe. I can't take this heartache anymore...I'm a failure, I know. I'm not good enough, it's not like I never tried.
Ooh, so I'm going to get my tongue piercing 2 weeks later, hopefully. I have agreed to allow someone to do it for me, let's just hope he doesn't screw up and cause me my tongue. If I can't talk, I'll slit my throat. Really.

And it's so heartbreaking, how someone can think I'm an ahlian. Really, in what way do I seem like an ahlian? I have to brush up on my english language, I cannot stand being lumped together with twIiitzzx n0rhz.

Oh, Iylia's birthday!!!! I have to go searching for presents, and I should start planning other people's presents as well. Like, birthday presents for Nov/Dec babies as well.

I know someone's birthday is coming soon. I just don't know exactly which day. God, I have to find out soon, and surprise the person with a midnight call or something, that's if the person isn't too busy to answer the call. It's getting so worrying, to know you work till late night, and get so drunk you can't stand straight. Omgomg dumb fuck, I miss you, no matter how much of an asshole you are towards me.