He who laughs last...is just a hand in the bush.

I should be in panic mode right now.

School starts in less than a month, I have an A Maths paper to sit for on the first day of school (at least...I think it's on the first day of school). I am fucking unprepared. I'll probably have to drop the subject, at this rate. I don't even know what the textbook looks like! Great, another thing to mull over...How did I become such a failure in life?

My mum found me a tutor. The previous one I had infuriated me so much, I spent most of my lessons ignoring him and pretending he doesn't exist and asking nonsensical questions to piss him off. Which I did at times....which ended up in arguments with my mum. Let's hope this Mr Lim plays nice. Or else I'll revert to 'irritating' mode and ask him all sorts of questions like....I don't know, why is the sky blue and not red? Is your hair real? Or something like that.

*

Anyway, Saturday was Val's sweet sixteen. I met up with her earlier, to look for a hotel room to book in Bugis area, but apparently they were all out of rooms, and we didn't have the guts to enter Hotel 81, as we were both in dresses and heels. We were afraid to be leered at by lecherous old ah peks in sweat stained singlets. Then we met Evan and Sharmila and decided to walk all the way to Esplanade in motherfucking heels. Then we met Mervyn and Trish. Trish had Martell in her bag! And I had Smirnoff in mine.

Then 9 O'Clock (without MadRiff), Ziyang, Claire, Evigan, Rachel and Mervyn's friends came to join us. It was a bit disconcerting to drink alcohol in full view of the public. Val got fucking high on just half a cup of Martell + orange juice. Sharmila and I were entertained. She laughed at practically everything, and made a lot of weird comments. After that, some people left and we dragged Val for sheesha at Sahara. (OMG BLACK LUNG) Then everyone left except Trish, Mervyn and I. We cabbed to Zouk to clubzzz. Met up with Pre, and we hid the bottle of Smirnoff in the bushes o_O Everything went as planned, no glitches.

Danced till 5am (sore feet in heels = bad combi). Not enough drinks though. Was initially very hesitant about dancing. After that we walked around Tiong Bahru area and ate maggi mee. Trish and I went over to Pasir Ris to meet Faizal in our sleepy state. Then went to MadRiff's place for a nap. Then left for town to watch 9 O'Clock jam with Mervyn and Adib. After that we played with 20++++ cats halfway to the secret place (teehee secret). Trish and I power siollzzz. We went without sleep for a very long time.

Anyway, I recently got to know Faizal, MaryJane (MJ), Jixxie, Harry and Shaun/MadRiff very recently through Trish. They're all fucking funny people! I laughed till I got bad stomachaches. I just realised we hung out with them on Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday (!!!!). Record! And we just met on Thursday, after shoppingzzz with Val. And then on Friday again after hanging out at Trish's house.

*

I started work today. Quite cool actually. I can do whatever I want, provided I answer the calls, which come in once every hour or something. Easy peasy. Not to mention, I get ferried to and fro, and I don't have to pay for my own lunch (and I get to choose the food).

Problem is I cannot leave work halfway cos the office's in some ulu place with no transport services. And I get lost, it's all a maze of closed doors (that look the same). When I left to go to the toilet, I wanted to mark the door.

*

Sometimes, I feel very indignant how people insult me. Namely, it's just someone. I've tried to tolerate it, hold it all in, and make excuses for you. People aren't happy with you at all, you get shit slung at you all the time. I'm the one standing up for you, defending you. But you obviously don't understand how gratitude works. It's when you don't fucking insult someone who puts in a good word or two for you.

Maybe I am not as great as you. You don't have to put me down in front of others. I don't understand why I call you a friend. You make me feel really shit about myself at times...and now, when I think about the words you said. I would honestly like to think you don't mean it. But you know what, I shall give myself the benefit of the doubt and call you a gigantic lump of lard. A fucking waste of space. Basically, a fucktard. Fucking turd. I'm tired, you aren't good looking, aren't as smart as you believe you are. Underneath it all, you're ugly as well. No emotions, black heart. You're simply nothing, you understand? NOTHING.

I'm already on the ground, you cannot bring me any lower down the rungs. So fuck you.

*

I don't understand myself at times. I think I bring it all upon myself.

I don't understand how people can say I seem carefree and happy go lucky. I feel downright miserable on some days. Perhaps, like Germaine says (OMG I MISS GERMAINE), I'm putting on an act. It doesn't feel like that though.

I wish I could just let it be, like how Paul McCartney tells me to...but I can't. I don't even know what I feel like right now. A state of despair, frustration, sadness, perhaps disappointment at how you're so fucking non-chalant?

A year - nothing's changed, except your attitude. And it isn't for the better. You're such a lousy person, a bad friend. 12 fucking days. Am I getting paranoid?
*

Anyway, I miss these people: Karina, Germaine, Valerie & VERY SOON (in 3 hours' time) Iylia. I hope they have fun in Thailand, Korea, Malacca, Norway respectively. COME HOME SOON!!! &you.

SIGH :( I think I'm gonna try getting out of work early tomorrow. Or I'll just sit at my desk, blast some death metal and irritate the hell out of everyone...I can try doing homework! Oh the endless possibilities.