Aren't you tired of being weak?

I'm holding it all in. If I exhale, I know I will fall to pieces. I feel so tightly wound right now that I'm keeping it all in...In the hopes that I will not shatter into pieces. Into molecules, into atoms; into tiny, individual, insignificant pieces. Like how you make me feel.

I wish I could contain all my feelings in a glass bottle sometimes. Maybe you would see it then.

*

It all comes to nothing. All this while, I've been in the rain, trying to shelter you from the cold and the wet. When it's sunny, I am pushed away, forgotten. Kept for a rainy day. I don't think you notice me. Not even when I'm the only one left standing by you when your whole life falls into shambles. I feel like mine is as well, just seeing you in pain. I want to fix all your problems, steal away your pain...but you don't feel the same way back. Sometimes I wish I would pick up the strength and walk away. Walk away from your pain. Walk away from MY pain.

But I can't.

A part of me remembers you need me. Sometimes.
The worst thing is... I need you too.

*

I might be going crazy, except crazy people don't know they are going crazy. Well. Emotions are a waste of time/energy. We should be happy 24/7.

I want to move to an Irish-Gaelic seaside village. Or maybe move to France and live in a chateau straight out of the Victorian period. Migrate to Japan, and live in Hello Kitty paradise. Hole myself up in a comfortable hotel room, with DVDs to watch and books to read.

*

I feel uncomfortable publishing my inane thoughts on the world wide web (hence the lack of updates, the ones that reveal too much I keep unpublished). Letting strangers read about my pathetic excuse of an existence just makes me feel rather uncomfortable sometimes. Or maybe I'm too afraid of criticism.

I MIGHT shift to my livejournal account sometime soon. I've had it since May last year. It's such a pity to let it go to waste.

//

If Germaine reads this, I hope you're doing good : ) I haven't forgotten you. If you need to talk, you can call me on my phone. I miss you man! Take care.

-

Anyway, I know this is late. But thanks all for the birthday wishes /presents (thanks for the JD, especially. Love you guys!)/ cakes/ treats.

Finally 16. Doesn't feel any different though. It was memorable, especially the makeshift cake at Home Club because of unexpected circumstances, and the booze fest afterwards. Dinner with family (without dad) was awesome. And also, the celebration in school, when close friends coerced me into walking around the canteen with 2 "horns" on my head. Then the cake we had at Starbucks... That was nice. Thank you :)