愛してる

I don't understand anything at all. I thought I finally had some semblance of control over things... But I realize that I don't, actually.

I'm beginning to see how the awkward pieces will never fit in this jigsaw puzzle.

Sometimes I don't really want an answer to the questions I ask.

Sometimes... I just want to be lied to.

*

Wish I had a home like Red Eye Sam's. We were over again during the weekend, same pool, same ledge, armed with Mohawk Sam's stash of alcohol. Swimming at 12mn, discussions about band names, tissue paper ("Once in a while, he sells tissue paper." - Red Eye Sam) and whatnots. Jean brought over needles, we wanted to play pierce Mervyn because when tipsy, he feels no pain. Redoxin, plenty of vodka, grapefruit juice, coke, apple juice, green tea...anything we could get our hands on, we dumped in to make cool cocktails... Courtesy of the ex-bartender, Mohawk Sam.

The morning after was cool, lounged in bed watching gh3y videos till about 9ish before we all traipsed out in the sun for some m4j0r 0wn4g3. Mervyn VS two Sams battling it out in the pool. They battered the former mercilessly with a volleyball. Somehow managed to rope in some 8 year old Chinky kid to help Mervyn. In the end, it ended with people spewing water out of their mouths at one another. Super Soaker and a pair of goggles. Pants pulling. Jean and I sat and laughed. My stomach feels so fucked from laughing so much. Ribs hurt...what happened? The chink kid started following me around, and according to Red Eye Sam, to throw a Chinese person into a state of confusion, throw water at him/her. Doesn't matter that all of us are Chinese...

Wish the weekends could go on forever.

*

Nothing is ever enough. I'm sorry I'm not.

Awkward girl, you're not so indestructible after all...