Going where the wind blows...

Today morning I woke up a little sadder.

I remember likening the place to a jail- my main purpose was to get out as soon as I could. I felt like the place was cramping my style by holding me incarcerated within its numerous rules and regulations. The people in there who couldn't understand individuality, the overwhelming competitiveness of the place and the total blandness of it all. But now that I've left, I feel like I have no purpose anymore. Like a prisoner locked up for decades in his prime, only to find himself thrown out into the cruel world in old age. He has lost his only shelter, his only home; however cold and unfeeling it is. "What do you do with too much freedom?"

Today while reading Estee's and Halimatul's letter in the morning before I left home, I felt tears prickling my eyes. I remember just last week, when we were laughing it off. "Wtf, I won't cry! In fact, I'm fucking happy to leave this place!" Maybe, while counting down the days (Halimatul and I constantly reminded Estee 'Eh, 5 more days then we won't see each other again!') we subconsciously found ourselves growing closer and forging ties - it is during this time that I found myself talking to Estee about the most random things in life. Even though she won't read this, I hope you know that Halimatul and I are dead serious about going prawning together. And watching Kumar! Yesterday was quite unexpected. Halimatul and I tackled a tearing Estee to catch her in a bear hug, which made her cry even harder.

Within 4 years, I've made few friends - even fewer real ones. But the ones I've made, I'm glad to keep.

Maybe I do feel a sense of relief that it's all over. I managed to tell someone how sorry I am - I know you're reading this blog - for being a bad friend. Maybe it'll be okay. Like I said in the letter - this is not the end of it all. Just a good end to this chapter of our lives.

*

"Maybe it's because I love you, that's why."