all the drugs in this world, won't save her from herself

manson is hot schecks, and i typed a super long emo entry about life and how i feel so fucking screwed up and unappreciated sometimes, but i decided against posting it up here. it shall be immortalised else where, where nobody will read it and judge me, and think i'm a fucking whiny loser.

just don't compare me to anyone else, and then take me for granted because i'm not pretty, or because i don't have a hot body, or that i'm not as smart or whatever. because it's so fucking pointless. everyone beats me at everything, i don't see the need to play nice anymore. i hate having to walk on eggshells all day long with people who abuse me in the end. and there's also the fact that i can't stand being alone with myself, because i fucking loathe myself. yes, ah, that's bullshit. and the thing is i don't have anyone to confide in when i'm sad, so i'll just sit around and cry. the people i think of to talk to when i'm sad comes up to a zero. (end emo)

anyway, apologies to the lack of updates. not that anyone reads anyway, but yeah.

lemme try to recall what happened this week. my memory's getting a bit fogged up, and i am feeling pretty lethargic from all the past-midnight mass convos and early mornings and running around. and also, i am also pretty tired from all the fucking horrible moodswings.

monday - i can't remember, seriously.

tuesday - navel piercing & shrek 3 with prabs and merv. ocean's 13 with merv, zy, gordon, evan and someone else, i didnt catch his name.

wednesday - zone d costume party, and then...? oops, i doubt i did anything after. but i'm not very sure.

thursday - far east with val & sharmila, and then headed over to pasir ris to find bianca! :] camwhored a lot, and i love them oodles noodles. scary movie 3 at bianca's house.

friday - fantastic 4 (silver surfer) with mel & josh, josh was kind to pay for my ticket. :] and then he got fucked by an old caucasian, which made me and mel laugh. and then headed over to vivo to find Pre (omg, alma mater!), merv and prabs. zy, evan and val joined later. and we hung out at toys r us, and pre, val and i camwhored.

saturday - red rain. people actually think i'm a rocker girl. yes, i am very flattered. don't laugh, but i have MCR on my list. after that, i met Gordon and we ate supper/dinner, and we had in depth discussions on music tastes. fuck MCR. hahaha. kkkkk never mind, got home pretty late. about 1++ in the morning.

mass convos are the sex :]

-

Cause you were from a perfect world
A world that threw me away today

A pill to make you numb
A pill to make you dumb
A pill to make you anybody else
But all the drugs in this world
Won't save her from herself

i wonder how much you'll sacrifice just to see me through tonight. or maybe you wish i would disappear forever. our lives are now so different, and you have no idea how it hurts to be thrown out of the one place you never want to leave.

if only we could all have pills to numb us from this emotional hurt, pills to cure us from knowing too much and understanding too little, pills to make us anybody else so we can stop all the self loathing and constant wish to improve oneself...and failing horribly.

drugs give you temporary relief from the daunting fact that you are you, but when you come back down from the artificial high, you realise you're still that disgusting, revolting shit-filled moron, and you fall into a deeper slump - knowing you can't ever stay in the drug-fogged happy mood forever.